This is a story on my struggles with coming out as a bi/fluid guy.
After accepting my orientation officially to myself, the two people I most desperately wanted to tell were Mark and Kate. Mark is a white male and Kate is a black female, both of whom study at the same school as I do. We share the same year, major and class times, and since there are only 3 of us in the class, I had little choice but to become Kate and Mark’s friends. Not that I’m complaining; they are very interesting people and I enjoy their company. I only have a single class which I do not share with either of them, so I see them often. Since I am mostly occupied with homework, and have outgrown or lost pretty much all my previous friends since graduating high-school, Mark and Kate have become my closest friends. We share many things, and both of them have been quite open to me about their lives, as I have been with them about mine. The thing is though, neither of them know my orientation.
Since as far back as I can remember, I have found both guys and girls equally attractive. I never found it strange nor weird until I reached an age when labels and stereotypes suddenly became important. After doing some research and self-exploration, I found that the label “Bi”, or “Fluid”, best described my orientation. Ever since Mark and Kate started making adult jokes and discussing their respective interests, I have wanted so badly to be honest with them: to be able to tell Mark that I also find that girl attractive, and to tell Kate that I also think that guy is cute. The reason I haven’t, is because I fear their judgement.
Kate is very judgmental. Whenever she finds something peculiar, which is quite often, she is very vocal about it. She is very outspoken and doesn’t really mind upsetting people. If someone acts differently than she would, she quite clearly shows her disapproval. Mark, on the other hand, is far more forgiving and understanding, but can be quite judgmental whenever he doesn’t understand someone, or their actions. What makes matters worse, is that both Kate and Mark quite happily group people into stereotypes. Both of them are straight, but they have gay friends, so they understand being gay… but I am not gay, I’m bi, something they seem to have trouble understanding.
I am a good listener, mostly because when those other two are together I can barely get a word in. I did teach myself the value of listening though, and through that listening I have found that both of them find gay people strange or annoying, and I have no idea how they feel about fluid people. Out of either of them, I am most comfortable sharing intimate things with Mark, and I was hoping the week I spent with him at his house was going to be my opportunity to be honest with him.